Mystery Of The Haunted Toilet Block!
by AspergianStoryteller
Summary: Doesn't the title say it all? A Team 7 adventure.


Title: Mystery Of The Haunted Toilet block!

Author: AspergianStoryteller.

Genre: Mystery/Humour.

Summary: Doesn't the title say it all? If I owned Naruto, something like this would happen in cannon.

_'Hey guys, check this out!' _

_'Whoo! Nice aim!' _

_'Oi don't squirt that on me you douche bag!' _

Grr, clean that up you dirty boy! If I wasn't stuck in here I'd scold you and whack you with my mop!

_'Three? You lucky dog, no wonder you've been on cloud nine this morning!' _

_'You jealous?' _

_'Of you? Hey- what's that sound? Water?' _

_'It sounds like something gurgling in the pipes. Did one of you clog up a toilet?' _

Clean up that mess!

_'It's getting louder!' _

_'It was you, wasn't it Gen?' _

_'I didn't clog up the bloody toilet!' _

_Splash! _

XXX xxx XXX

'I see. Well, this is probably a good mission one of our gennin teams to handle. At least one of them should be here to report soon.'

'Thank you so much Hokage-Sama. I am so grateful for your help.'

'It's no problem. Believe me, we've dealt with plenty of strange things in this line of work. It's in the job description.'

Ninja arriving for and returning from missions poured the Missions Office in the usual fashion while the Hokage and anxious client waited for a gennin team to arrive. Soon enough, considering Kakashi's reputation for tardiness, Naruto and Sakura's loud voices could be heard as they neared the main desk.

'I can't believe you did that Naruto-Idiot!'

'But it was funny!'

'It was stupid! No wonder people were giving you dirty looks, and don't tell me you didn't notice them!' _Actually, that prank was kind of funny! But if I tell him that it'll go right to his head! I have to set a good example, even if he seems like a hopeless case some days. _

'They were looking at me funny before I even put it in her trolley Sakura-Chan!'

'Mission complete Hokage-Sama,' Kakashi spoke over his bickering students.

'Do I want to know what they're talking about?'

'It's in the report.'

'Oh joy.'

'Is this one of the teams you mentioned?' asked the client, drawing attention to himself. He was a fair featured, average looking man in his early thirties wearing comfortable robes and a slightly worried expression.

'Mentioned? Is there another job for us' Kakashi asked.

'This client, Haru-San, has requested a team to look into an unusual case,' the Hokage introduced the fretful looking man. 'Haru-San, why don't you tell Team Seven what the problem is?'

'Alright. Well, you see, about a week ago, at a location a days journey from here, there was an battle that I was not there to witness, but must have been involving ninja because of the marks left behind. Ever since the battle though, there have been strange occurrences in the area.'

'What kind of occurrences?'

'For starters, all of the residents have disappeared. Also, visitors have reported hearing noises and disturbances, like that toilet suddenly regurgitating a wave of water...'

'Dis-disturbances?' Naruto stuttered. 'That sounds like there's _ghosts_ involved...'

'Ghosts don't exist Naruto-Idiot,' Sakura scoffed. 'Don't tell me your _scared_ of them?'

'So you want us to investigate this place and figure out what's going on?' Kakashi interrupted.

'Please.'

XXX xxx XXX

As they walked toward their location for investigation, Haru told them more about what was going on there. The place was essentially a block of toilets for travellers use set along the side of a path going through a forest. Maintained by a small group of people living in residence right nearby or built in, it was visited by travellers every day on walks and trips to other settlements. Just a week ago though, the people who worked there had vanished, leaving behind only mysterious happenings like the water incident.

'It's such a shame,' Haru said. 'That toilet block is usually a clean and functional establishment, and its caretakers are very friendly, provided you don't make messes.'

'Not to worry, ' Kakashi assured him. 'We'll do our best to restore order.'

'Yeah, you can count on us! Believe it!'

'Really dead-last? Even if there are ghosts?'

'Uh-'

'Yeah Naruto, remember them? Spooky, ghastly ghosts?'

'Don't remind me! You're freaking me out!'

XXX xxx XXX

The toilet block turned out to be a small building in a grassy area next to the path. On the outside, it had white walls, square windows, wooden doors and a black roof. Around the back were a large pond, a stream going off into the forest, and a hanging garden in the trees. Inside, wooden floorboards and deep red tiled walls were housing to shouji-screened cubicles and changing rooms, a bench with sinks and mirrors, a couple of showers, sanitary/contraception dispenser and a nappy-change station. Embedded in a few of the walls and surfacing into a small indoor pool were transparent pipes, like the ones used in aquariums.

'Wow, this a pretty neat toilet block,' Naruto commented as he stepped further in, his concern over ghosts forgotten for now.

'Sure is a mess though,' Sakura wrinkled her nose at the wet patches and things she'd rather not know about.

Kakashi made a quick sweep of the interior and didn't see anything that seemed out of place in a bathroom, except the fish tank pipes. 'Alright team, take a look around. Sasuke and I will investigate outside for now. Let everyone know if you find anything unusual.'

XXX xxx XXX

'What's with the pipes in the walls?' Naruto asked.

'There are supposed to be fish swimming in them,' Haru murmured sadly. 'And even they have disappeared. The people who work here would also swim in them.'

'I hope it wasn't toilet water in there, heh heh.'

'Ew Naruto, don't say something so gross!'

'I was only joking Sakura-Chan!'

Sakura opened a cupboard built into the wall and carefully took note of its contents. On the top there were towels, half of them still neatly folded. Under them were soaps and shower items of use (Several bottles of shampoo were at least half empty) Under that was a large supply of toilet paper. (The pinkett was pleasantly surprised to detect rose scented sheets) The bottom of the cupboard was taken up by cleaning tools and products. They obviously hadn't been used all week. Still, nothing odd.

_Creak... Bump! _

Sakura jumped a little then realised the door must have swung shut and bumped into her back. She pushed it back.

_Creak... bump! _

'Again? Annoying door.' She held it back with her foot while she continued to search the cupboard.

_Creak... Bump! Bump! _

_Why is it still move- move... _

'Sakura-Chan? What's wrong?'

'What! Oh, Naruto.'

The blond boy looked at Sakura in mild concern from the long bench of sinks. 'Are you okay? You look a little freaked out there.'

'I- I'm okay. It's nothing.' _Yeah. I'm just imagining things. It must just be the wind. _

'Okay then. Did you find any clues in there?'

'No. It's a bit messy in here, but nothing really weird.'

XXX xxx XXX

Sasuke peered into baskets hanging from branches with Kakashi checking out the ones higher up. _Lavender, rose, something I don't recognise, a lot of sweet smelling plants... _'There isn't anything unusual here I think Kakashi-Sensei. It's just a bunch of flowers and stuff.'

'This place grows it's own supply of ingredients for soap and cleaning products,' the jonin said. 'Remember the sight and smell of as much as you can in case we have to track the toilet keepers down.'

'I think you have a better nose for this than me.'

'Probably, but practising this will be good for you. Do four more baskets then go check that shed by the wall there.'

'Alright.' Sasuke paid close attention to the next four then walked over to a wooden lean-to shed against the wall of the main building. Inside there were the gardening tools he expected to see.

_Creak... bump! ! Oh. Just the door swinging. Where's a door stop? This bucket will do. _

_Creak... bump! _

Sasuke whirled around quickly with a kunai in each hand.

'Something the matter Sasuke?'

'...'

'Argh!'

XXX xxx XXX

Naruto picked up and sniffed each little bar and bottle of soap scattered around the sink area. Nothing odd there. No suspicious fumes of poison, unless it was the kind that didn't smell like flowers. He then ran his eyes over the long mirror stretching across the wall. There was something smeared over it in soap. Peering closer, a word could be made out.

Help. _Help? A clue? Was there a struggle in here-_ 'Woah!' Naruto flung himself backwards as a face suddenly loomed out at him from _inside the mirror._

'Oh my- Hey!' A shouji-screen door slammed shut in his face as he backed into a toilet cubical.

'Naruto? What happened?'

'S-s-sakura-Chan! There was a face in the mirror!'

'What?'

'A face! It came right at me all of a sudden and this door just slammed shut with no one pushing it! This place must be haunted!'

'What did the face look like?' Haru asked, opening the cubicle door.

'Um, I'm not sure, it was so fast. Like it was scared or something I guess. It had big eyes to, I think. Hey, these toilet seats are almost like rectangles!'

'Naruto! Is this really the time?'

'Oblongs to be precise.'

'Argh!'

'What!'

Sakura grabbed Naruto and Haru by their hands and dragged them out of the cubical.

'Sakura-Chan, what- oh my gods!' Naruto screamed when he saw a toilet paper toilet ribbon moving around like it was alive or something. 'Holy shit it's a ghost! I knew it!'

The ribbon (consisting of rose-scented, three-ply, cotton based paper) poked its front end around as though looking for something. Sakura, Naruto and Haru froze as it moved. Until...

'Argh!'

_Slam! _

'Oh my gods! Sakura-Chan, you're awesome! You really showed that thing who's boss!'

'It's still moving!' Haru cired, pointing.

'What happened!' Kakashi and Sasuke burst in through the front door.

'Haunted toilet paper!' Naruto shrieked.

'What? Dead-Last, there's no such thing as- oh shit!' Sasuke launched one of his fastest Fire Ball Jutsus yet at the pale pink thing streaking towards him.

_Slam! _

'We're locked in? We're doomed!'

'Calm down Naruto,' Kakashi said. 'We're not doomed. Ninja deal with strange things all time, remember?'

_Gurgle... _

'Oh now what!'

'Okay now, I want everyone to stay close together and we're going to calmly find out what's going on here. Not that close you two, you'll trip.'

The ninja team and their client anxiously moved around the toilet block searching for the source of the trouble. Naruto held a kunai with trembling hands and held onto as much courage as he could draw on. Sasuke and Sakura also had their weapons out and were feeling rather nervous now that their earlier jests at their blond team mate were proven unjustified.

_Rustle... Gurgle... Bubble... Flash... Thud! _

**'Hullo? Did it work? Can anyone hear me now?' **

XXX xxx XXX

Team Seven turned to stare in confusion at Haru as he spoke with a voice that had an odd feeling in it.

'Haru-San?'

**'I'm Quick Silver. I'm just borrowing Haru-San's body for moment so I can actually talk to someone. I can't believe no one thought of this earlier.' **

'Borrowing?' Sakura asked.

**'Or possessing I guess. It sure beats writing with soap. Anyway, can you help us? I work here, and me and everyone else got sealed away by accident when these ninja were battling here a week ago. We can't last much longer without food and water. Actually, there was a little water that was sealed with us that's been keeping us alive but it's nearly gone.' **

'By "everyone else", I take it you mean the people who work here?' Kakashi checked.

**'Yes! That's why this place is such a mess.' **

_Slam! _

**'It's really annoying. We can't do anything to clean up from in here and people just run away when we try to communicate... Or when someone expresses their anger.' **

'Alright, we'll get you out,' Kakashi assured whoever was speaking through Haru. 'Where is the seal?'

**'Second toilet from the front door.' **

'You're sealed in a toilet? Gross!' Sakura and Sasuke grimaced at the thought.

**'I **_**know**_**.' **

'Hey, how do you all fit?' asked Naruto.

'Seals have different laws of physics Naruto,' Kakashi explained as he lifted the oblong lid in his search. 'You'd be surprised at what you can do with them. The Fourth Hokage used them in his famous Flying Thunder God Jutsu, and you can store lots of stuff in them, like food and weapons.' _And demons..._ 'Ah, here it is. How'd this even get here anyway?'

'Really? Wow, that's pretty cool. Hey, can you teach us how to do seals Sensei? I could carry loads more ramen and hot water flasks on missions!'

'When we have more time. Okay, stand back guys, it's going to get crowded in here.'

XXX xxx XXX

There was a glow and a trembling feeling in the air as Kakashi released the seal, and suddenly at least a dozen tired and hungry looking people (and at least twice as many fish) came tumbling out. They nearly smooshed the jonin (who had enough experience with seals to know to move out of way when unsealing something) and poured out of the cubicle in a heap.

'Freedom!'

'At last! Gods it was crowded in there!'

'I'm hungry!'

'Help me put the fish back quickly!'

'Ah! That door is almost burnt to a crisp!'

Team Sven stared in surprise at the group of not-so-human-people complaining and untangling themselves. They all had varying shades of blue, green and brown skin. Some were scaly, some had smooth, wet bodies. And all of them had either large eyes, fins, webbed digits, horns or tails. A man with a long fish tail that could split into leg-like appendages got up and addressed the humans. His whole body was covered in silvery scales, the ones on his tail being darker, and his long, tough hair matched. 'Thanks a lot guys. We really own you one.'

'It's good to see you again safely, Quick Silver-San,' said Haru.

'Good to see you to. I hope you didn't mind me borrowing you for a minute.'

'I thought that was you. No I didn't mind. I really can't believe someone didn't think of it earlier.'

'Haru-San, you didn't tell us your missing friends were fishy people,' Naruto said.

'You didn't ask. And I didn't think it mattered.'

'Oh. Hey, what was it like in there?'

'It was dark and crowded,' a girl with yellow fish tail told him. 'Sometimes we could see and hear outside, and put our power out.'

'What about when someone used the toilet you were trapped in?'

'Naruto that's disgusting!'

'Well the first time it happened...'

XXX xxx XXX

An hour later, the toilet facility was clean again, the non-plumbing pipes were full of fish again, and the indoor pool was occupied by recovering water people. Their human companions was seated on the floor next to them, having a taste of the food grown and produced outside.

'You should have seen your face kid, it was priceless.'

'Shut up! You really startled me... By the way, why are you guys running a place like this? Do mer-people even _use_ toilets?'

'How do you make this stuff so soft and nice smelling?'

'Special recipe!'

'... And then we just spray it on! No need to turn green like that, everything is washed when we harvest it...'

'By the way,' Quick Silver said while Sasuke's face went back to normal, 'Why don't you guys stay the night? It's getting late and we've got room here.'

'Thanks, we'd be happy to,' replied Kakashi. 'So tell me more your water jutsu...'

XXX xxx XXX

Later that night, the residents of the toilet block were happily asleep back in their water-works system with the fish and the humans were camped out in the changing rooms.

'How come your face went weird like that Sasuke?' Naruto faced his team mate in the sleeping bag next to him. 'You looked funny.'

'Because someone told me that all the crap getting flushed down the toilets gets treated, dried out and sprayed all over the gardens as fertiliser!'

'What! You mean we were eating... ?'

'What Sasuke neglected to mention is that everything grown for food and hygiene here is washed before it gets used, so the food you ate tonight was completely crap-free.' Kakashi returned to reading Icha Icha by torch light.

'Phew. Don't leave stuff like that out Sasuke-Bastard!'

'Your dumb ass self makes the most amusing faces though.'

'Why you-'

'Boys, boys, do I need to read you a bedtime story to keep your voices down?'

XXX xxx XXX

The next morning (after a rare sleep in and late group breakfast) Team Seven packed up their gear (and souvenirs) prepared to leave. Haru and the fishy crew came outside to send them off with hugs, handshakes and compliments.

'If you ever have cleaning or plumbing problems just come get us!'

'I make first class toilet seats if you need them.'

'Come back when you run out of toilet paper!'

'Visit any time!'

'Thank you so much!'

'Bye guys!' Naruto called back waving. 'We'll see you again sometime! Wow, that was a weird mission wasn't it? Who gets hired to check out a haunted toilet block? Though, it wasn't actually haunted in the end. Not exactly...'

'Ninja deal in danger and mystery,' Kakashi said sagely. 'It's in the job description, believe it or not.'

'Hey Sensei, what's the weirdest mission you've ever been on, not counting this one?'

'When I was a little older than you three, shortly before the war, there were reports of werecats in the village and my team had to investigate...'

XXX xxx XXX

I'm not obsessed with toilets, I just think they're funny and interesting. I'm trying to be observant like a ninja should be, seeing as Team 7 are investigating and taking note of their surroundings, but have I gone overboard at all with the descriptions? Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!


End file.
